You have a lot of people that you go to class with,
but how many do you know? Do you talk to people outside of your small friend
group? You may have heard bits and pieces about other people but never actually
know them in full. Maybe you’ve talked to them a bit, but do you know all their
interesting quirks and hobbies? Let me ask you if you know Gannon and all his
hobbies?
Weekends are the time you usually
use to relax from the stress of the week, but Gannon sometimes enjoys golfing
on these weekends. You don’t see many people who golf these days. All the
golfers you hear about today are people who go pro with it and are in their
early 30’s to mid 40’s, Gannon is however just in his high school years. He
says that the reason he likes playing golf is because his family just loved
playing it and played it around him a lot when he was younger. To this day he
is an avid golfer and is on the golf team. Golf isn’t his only interesting
hobby he has, Gannon also enjoys selling shoes. You would usually see people just
getting a job to earn some money, but Gannon decided against that and he chose
to start reselling shoes.
Gannon seems to be a rather
interesting person, filling his weekends with selling shoes and golf when the
rest of us usually are relaxing or playing a more common sport. You may not have known these things but now
thanks to my brief interview with him and my choice to share the fact he enjoys
golf and selling shoes.
Samuel Miranda.
I like the article, I'm just a little confused. For your intro paragraph what did those questions have to do with the article about Gannon?
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ReplyDeleteIt feels a little robotic. I think the choice to focus on these two details about Gannon are great, but it doesn't seem to go much deeper than that. I'm left with so many other questions. I want to know how the golf season is going since there have been so many cancellations. I want to know what his specialty is and if he thinks it is a sport for "young" people. I want to know how that connects to his job and what the difference is between selling shoes and REselling shoes. What does that mean?
ReplyDeleteI understand what you were trying to do with the intro, but maybe make it a little shorter. The intro was almost 1/3 of the writing, but it wasn't about Gannon. But i do like how you went into depth about what he told you and you didn't just say "Gannon likes to golf"
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this, it's interesting that Gannon is so interested in something very main stream like reselling shoes but at the same time something very low key like golf, I mean I haven't heard of many teenagers who enjoy golfing this much. One thing that I thought was a bit unnecessary were all the questions at the beginning.
ReplyDeleteI liked this article just you kept asking questions and it kind of threw me off.
ReplyDeleteI like how you focused on golf for Gannon, as a lot of people in high school don't go golfing, and it was interesting to read about. However, for future reference I wouldn't target your lead at just a certain group of people. In your case you wrote it with your student audience in mind, but it might not just be students reading your article. Overall, I thought it was pretty interesting.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did pretty well with telling me what Gannon likes to do and being detailed with it. However, the abundance of questions in this confused me, and I didn't understand most of the first paragraph. Maybe lay off of the questions in the introduction, and try some more straightforward sentences. Also, I would suggest revising that last sentence too because I felt it didn't make much sense, and was a bit unnecessary. I did enjoy this piece as a whole, but I believe that you could make it a lot better if you revised it a little, with these things in mind. :)
ReplyDeleteI thought this piece was very interesting however I would suggest a little more detail and maybe some more flowing transitions.
ReplyDeleteThe hobbies you included about him were interesting, but if the transitions were better this whole story would've made a lot more sense. The questions at the beginning had me confused too, I wasn't sure why they were there trying to relate to the story.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that you should have opened this up with questions. Just because some people might get done reading this and have more questions before they read this. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI personally think you could have expanded on his shoe selling hobby. Where does he sell the shoes?? what are the types of shoes he sells??
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